


Strays

by kotonari03



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Dogs, Eventual Smut, Fluff, I Don't Even Know, Long, My First AO3 Post, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Reader has a troubled past, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:55:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25105810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kotonari03/pseuds/kotonari03
Summary: You remembered everything about the first day you got introduced to him. He was quiet, sure, but your dogs liked him and your friend Steve needed help, so how could you say no?right?(Proofreading is not on the table right now, Im too busy writing new chapters haha, but there shouldnt be any major errors)
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Comments: 3
Kudos: 62





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey Guys!  
> This is the first fic I have written in quite some time (three years lmao) and as of writing these notes, I have three chapters prepared! If you guys like my writing style of the first one, let me know and I will post some more chapters! 
> 
> Also, inspired by the fic 'All thats best of Dark and Bright' by SithHappens here on Ao3!❤️❤️
> 
> This fic will probably tackle some heavy topics, I will give chapter-specific warnings if something like that is about to come up!❤️
> 
> Please enjoy, hope you like it!

You rembered the morning exactly. The night before hadnt really been good, but as soon as you heard a loud and vigorous knock on your front door, you decided to ignore the pounding headache in your head and got up. Your bedroom looked a mess. Of course it did.

You took some of the clean clothes you had knocked out of your wardrobe the night before and shoved them back in. Grabbing a large sweater from the top of the pile of clothes in your wardrobe you knocked the doors closed while pulling the long sleeved sweater over your head. "Im coming!" you shouted as the knock sounded again, louder this time.

Quickly, you ushered your dogs in the large room you designed for them (really, you had just taken the biggest bedroom in the house and put loads of dog beds, bowls for food and toys inside). As usual, your dogs listend to every one of your silent commands, following your gestures into the room.

Equally as fast, you closed the door behind the last one. Looking around, you saw that your place looked presentable and decided to open the door. The light of the first sunrays hit your eyes, and you had to hold your right hand above your eyes to shield the from the beaming light. After blinking a few quick times, your mind registered who stood in front of you. "Steve?" you asked, voice quiet, trying to cancel out the pounding of your brain. "We need your help, can we come in? Its important (Y/N)...". It took you a second to realize why he said 'we'.

Behind him stood another person. Face ducked low, hiding behind a baseball cap, you could make out longer brown hair, covering his face in in the form of hazel curtains. He was almost taller than steve, which surprised you a bit, seeing that he was a super soldier and all that, but your gaze darted quickly back to Steve. The silent plea in the eyes of your friend was enough to convince you, and you motioned for them to step inside.


	2. Chapter two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The entire situation gets explained. Confusing? sure, but nothing that seems unfamiliar to you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for over 100 Hits in under 48 hours! Im so glad that you guys enjoyed the first chapter! I hope the second one is equally as satisfying, the third one will be up on the 9th of July! But: Your feedback inspired me to write more, so thats what I´m gonna do now. Have fun! Also: Dogs! finally!

Once inside, you shut the front door behind the two men. As they stepped ínto your large living room, you moved to the open kitchen and started to make a fresh pot of coffee. You stole a quick glance at the stranger that stood besides steve, seemingly examining every single escape out of the room. His gaze was calculating, and you decided to break away from him. Steve cleared his throat, and you pulled your gaze to him.

"So, Steve. How may I help you?" you asked, your voice sounding unusually loud in the quiet of the room. Steve absentmindedly rubbed his hand on the back of his neck, clearly thinking about how to explain the situation. After a long sigh, he started to explain everything. The identity of the man beside him, who turned out to be a friend of steve. James Buchanan Barnes, or as Steve referred to him: Bucky. The stance of the man shifted at that nickname, almost like trying to fight some kind of urge to hide away. Steve didnt tell you everything, and you knew why. Sure, they needed to hide Bucky away, but it wasnt Steves story to tell what exactly had happend to him. From what you could understand, he was almost as old as Steve. They had known each other since their childhood, and Bucky got kidnapped during one of the howling commandos´ mission. Steve had told you about that. His friend slipping out of his hand, and Steve believing he had lost him forever. It must have been strange for Steve too, because when he came to explaining how he had found Bucky in Leipzig in Germany, he started to stumble over his words, almost like he himself couldnt really believe it.

"... So, we wouldnt really want his identity to come out to the public right now, because, like I said, he could still be wanted by Hydra, so we couldnt really bring him back to the Compound. Its just..." he sighed, and you could see the distress dancing across his features. "You said I could always come to you when I need any help. And now, we need it more than ever. It would only be a couple weeks...". You noticed that Bucky had not once spoken during this entire conversation. His gaze was fixed on the ground, his fingers quickly flexing in and out of fists every so often. You cleared your throat, and nodded. Steves eyes flicked up to meet yours, and he slightly raised one eyebrow. "Yeah, yeah. Sure." you spoke, nodding again. Your thoughts had been pulled far away as Steve explained Buckys story. Images flashed through your mind, having to run, having no where to go. You quickly pushed those away, and smiled at Steve. His eyes softend, and relief spread throughout all of his body. His shoulders relaxed, and he smiled back at you.

Your eyes darted to Bucky, who had been watching your change in demeanour, but quickly averted his gaze to the floor again after your eyes met for a split second. Barking drew the attention of both men down the hallway. Bucky seemed to go stiff for a second, and Steve looked at you in confusion, before realizing what the sound was. "Oh shit, the dogs. I completely forgot- I have dogs, three to be exact. Is that a problem for you?" you asked, gently smiling at Bucky. He turned to look at you, ever so slightly shaking his head in a denying motion. "Would you like to meet them? They arent really dangerous, they can just be a bit... energetic. But if you stay here, it would be good to make you guys familiar, wouldnt it?" you questioned, and he slightly nodded. You smiled warmly, and moved down the Hallway.

Quietly, you opend the door, and peeked inside. Your dogs looked at you, tails wagging. You decided it would be best to let the smaller ones out first. Steve, the most stubborn dog out of the group was your first choice. Quietly, you let the puppy stroll out of the room and down the hall. Alice, a white akita Inu, about three years old, followed quickly after, leaving the oldest one to trot behind. Abby, an older labdrador trotted beside you as you made you way back to the living room. You were pleased to see the two Stevies playing together, but Bucky seemed a bit lost in thought, as his right hand glid through Alices´ fur. The dogs quickly got used to the new visitors, and retreated to their usual places in the house.

Steve seemed distraught, and you quirked a questioning eyebrow at him. "Well, I have to go now, Stark just texted and..." he rubbed the back of his neck again, and you nodded in understanding, gaze quickly flying to Bucky, who was gripping his dufflebag tightly. "Its okay. We´ll be fine." Your smile was returned by Steve, who made his way back to the door with you, while repeating how you could call him all the time. You reassured him that everything would be fine, and waved after him after he drove off.


	3. Chapter three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Nights turn out to be quite challenging (as expected) and you do your best to help Bucky deal with his trauma.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! First of all: Thank you so much for nearly 200 hits in not even 3 days, I did not think people would enjoy this fic, but apparently you do! 
> 
> Mayyybe Trigger warning?   
> There is some choking in this chapter (not in a kinky kinda way) so if thats a trigger for you, maybe skip over the paragraph where reader enters Buckys room, but otherwise: Enjoy!!

The first week had been fairly quiet. You had showed him around the house, prepared the guest room for him after Steve had left, and explained everything important to him. He didnt talk, just gave silent nods of acknowledgement. His eyes followed your every movement, sometimes even making you anxious, but you decided to skip past it. Soon, you had a daily routine. He would always be up already when you got up, having left the half full coffe pot on the kitchen counter, and watching TV, trying to catch up on decades of missed information. The nights were the worst. You had decided to clean your room the first day he arrived, there was no need for him to see how troubled you would sometimes become at night. He always retreated to his room first. But you knew he wouldnt sleep, he just wanted his own space. At night, you would see him pacing outside of your door. Like he was contemplating something, figuring out what he was supposed to do. 

After two nights, the first nightmare came. You shot up in your bed, trying to calm your heartbeat to figure out if the scream you heard was from your nightmare or his. After you heard a loud rumble from his room, you realized what was going on, and stripped a long sleeve sweatshirt on. Steve had warned you about this. Your gaze darted to your phone on your nightstand, for the shortest amount of time contemplaiting whether or not you should call him. A whimper, followed by a scream that made your dogs jump from your bed, you jumped out from under the covers and slowly made your way down to the guest room. 

You stopped at his door, holding your breath to listen what was happening behind the door. The only thing you heard was the creaking of the floorboards underneath you, and your dogs whining behind your own bedroom door. It was too quiet in his room. Silently, you decided to open the door. Big fucking mistake. "Buck-" you tried to call out, but your voice got cut off by a strong grip to your throat, crushing your windpipe. You gasped out in surprise, your eyes searching his. His face was only iluminated by the moonlight shining to the tiny window in your guestroom. As you found his gaze, your heart skipped a beat. His eyes were empty, staring at you with a murderous rage behind them. As he slammed you into the wall, he held a knife to your throat. You reached out, to touch his metal wrist, which held the tiny black knife. You gasped out, quietly whispering his name in a steady voice, hiding your fear. Slowly, you pushed his hand down, and he seemed to come back to himself. He dropped the knife and slowly took a step back, looking ashamed to the floor. "Hey Buck... You did it. Youre back here. Everything is okay, we´re safe." you whispered with a smile, ignoring the slight burning pain in your throat. Bucky stepped back, and slumped to the ground, leaning against his bedframe. Your heart felt like it was going to sink into the floor as he hung his head in defeat. 

His elbows resting on his knees, gaze averted outside of his window, you started to walk over to him. You crouched down beside him, but gave him enough space to move away in case he wanted to. You streched your arm to pick up the knife discarded on the floor, and turned it over in your hand. Slowly, you moved your hand in his direction. "Should´ve known you had those." you murmured and glanced at him with a slight smile. He was still staring at the floor, face covered by curtains of his hair. "You feeling okay again now?" you asked, and he slightly moved his head to avert your gaze even more, but slightly nodded. "Do you wanna talk about it? What happend, I mean." you questioned carefully. "No" came his tense response. "Okay. Well, " you moved slightly, placing the knife carefully in one of his hands which hung low in front of his knees "you know where to find me when you change your mind Bucky" you nodded, and got up. As you went to close his door, you shot him a last smile from the doorway before closing the door. 

After you arrived at your room, you quietly closed the door behind you. Rubbing your throat, you grabbed a tiny mirror from your bedstand and looked at yourself in the light of your tiny lamp. You could see the line of where the knife had pressed into the soft flesh of your throat, having drawn a slight bit of blood. You decided at that point it would probably be best to wear turtlenecks from now on.


	4. Chapter four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another nightmare keeps the both of you up, so a walk with the dogs seems like a good idea.  
> A forest is a beautiful place to have a calm talk.
> 
> (This day is broken in two chapters! Next one will be up either on the 12th or the 15th, dont really know that yet, will give updates as soon as I know tho!!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys!  
> Wow, two chapters in one day, yay me?  
> Also, im sorry the formating sucks on phone, I'm using Ao3 on the computer!   
> Promise I will figure something out to make it easier for y'all tho!  
> As always, thank you for the feedback so far and enjoy!❤️

You got up early this morning. Grabbing a longsleeve turtleneck from your wardrobe, you hopped in the shower and got dressed afterwards. After stepping out of your room, you could already hear the sounds of the TV from your living room. ´Of course he was already awake´ you thought to yourself. Your dogs hurrying towards the kitchen, you made your way down the hallway. Bucky gave you a quick look, which you returned with a sincere smile. He blinked quickly, nodded at you and turned his way toward the kitchen. "Do you... need any help?" he asked, motioning to the three dogs who impatiently sat in front of their foodbowls. "Yeah, sure!" you splutterd, surprised by his will to talk to you so early. 

Bucky moved up from the couch, towards the kitchen and leaned against the counter, awaiting your instructions for what to do. You grabbed two different cans of dogfood from the storageroom and set them down on the counter. Quickly putting your hair up in a messy ponytail, ýou drummed rythmically on the counter, trying to figure out where to start. 

"Okay so, this one" you began, pointing to a tinier can of puppyfood, "is for Steve. His bowl is the tiny-" you moved your eyes up to meet his and were cut off by a curious look. You quickly shuffeld the words you had said over in your head, trying to figure out where you went wrong.   
  
"Everything okay?" you murmured, searching his face for any kind of reaction. "Steve?" he asked, brow furrowed. You couldnt fight the grin coming up on your face, and beamed widely at him. "Yeah, he´s just as stubborn as Steve is, so I gave him the name Steve" you smiled, turning back towards the cans on the counter. He bend down and grabbed the tiny bowl from besides Steve and set it down on the counter. As he reached out with his right hand, you slowly slid the can of puppyfood towards him.   
  
After busying yourself with the food for your other two dogs, you looked at the bowl in front of Bucky. He was already holding it in his hands and looked at you questioningly. "Okay, time for breakfast puppys!" you smiled, and the tails of your dogs began wagging wildly. You set down the two bowls you had in hand, and turned to motion for Bucky where to put Stevies bowl.   
  
As you turned, you only saw him crouched down petting the already eating puppy.

  


You smiled widely. "Breakfast?" you asked, putting your hands on your hips. He stood up, but couldnt really meet your gaze, visibly unsure. "Breakfast it is then" you nodded. You pointed out the cupboards with the plates and silverware, and Bucky agreed to set the table, seemingly pleased that he had something to do.That became your morning routine. He would help you feed the dogs, then set the table while you were making some toast and coffe. 

  


You didnt have to wait long for the next nightmare. Shattering from his room woke you up, and you hurried down the hallway to his room. After listening for a few seconds, you knocked on the door quietly. "Bucky, I´m gonna come in now, okay?" you asked, quietly waiting for a response from the other side of the door. "Yeah, okay" he murmured, seemingly out of breath. You slightly pushed the door open, and squeezed yourself into the room.   
  
Bucky sat on a blanket on the floor, left hand whirring quietly. "Can I sit?" you asked, motioning beside him. He nodded, and averted his gaze to his folded knees. You walked over to him, but had to fight a flinch as your foot stepped on something sharp. You ignored it, focusing on your goal to help Bucky right now. 

  


You sat down besides him and looked at him puzzled. You moved your hand up toward his face, ever so slowly, and carefully tucked a strand of his curtain-like brown hair behind his ear. He flinched, but didnt pull away from your touch. You looked down at his left arm, and saw that the metal-plates of his arm were malfunctioning. "Would you like me to help you?" you questioned, gaze fixed on his arm. He looked at you with a puzzled expresion, but then quietly hung his head in defeat.   
  
"There are splinters stuck inside. Your wardrobe..." he mumbled, and looked at you with apologetic eyes. You didnt even look at the wardrobe, and nodded quickly. "Stay put, I´ll get some tweezers." you smiled softly, and hurried to the bathroom. Grabbing a pair of tweezers behind your bathroommirror, you almost jogged back to his room. 

  
  


He looked at you as you came back, metal plates whirring on his left arm. "May I?" you asked, motioning to his arm. He nodded, but his eyes shot up as you layed your hand in his palm. You were deeply focused on his arm, brow furrowing in concentration and Bucky used this oppertunity to examine your face a bit better. Slowly, you pulled out the wooden splinters from beneath the metal plates. Your eyes squinted whenever you came close to some kind of wire connection, but you smiled proudly whenever you managed to pull another splinter out of his arm. Sure, it was adorable, but Bucky was perplexed by the fact that you had taken his arm and layed in in the lap of your folded legs, resting one of your palms against his. The sensors registered the warmth your body was sending off, every little muscle movement.   
  
"I was... in a chair. Metal one." he murmured, and you looked at him quickly, understanding in your eyes. Everytime you looked at him like that, he wondered what he had done to earn such a look of sincere sympathy.

  


"There we go!" you smiled at him, holding the tweezers up in success. Noticing that you had layed his arm in your lap and were still holding his hand. Giving his metal hand a gentle squeeze, unsure whether he could feel it or not, you layed it in his own lap again. He nodded quickly, slight smile tugging at his lips for a milisecond. "Thank you. Really." he said, looking out of the window. "Do you need another blanket or pillow?" you questioned, looking at him with a slightly tilted head. "No, no. Its fine."   
  
After quite a bit of silence, you nodded. "If you want to talk Bucky, please do. It really can help, you know?" you murmured, examining the hole in the door of the wardrobe in your guest room from afar. "Im sorry." he whispered, gaze swaying between you and the wardrobe. "No need to apologize. Nightmares can be terrible, I know that. Its okay." you smiled. "No. How is this okay (Y/N)? How?" he asked, self-pity and hatred in his voice. "I keep destroying things, hurting you and that is supposed to be okay?" he questioned, looking at you with his ice-blue eyes. His gaze darted to the floor as you stood up.   
  
"James Buchanan Barnes. Listen up. You are here, because I want to help my friend. His friends are mine, so you best calm down right now. I knew what I was getting myself into when I told you you could stay here. Please just... let me try. Let me try before you jump to any conclusions." You mumbled that last part, but the way his gaze flicked back to yours lets you know that he heard it exactly. 

  


Looking at the alarm clock on his bedside table, you noticed the time. 4 AM. "Would you like to go back to sleep? Otherwise, we could go for a walk with the dogs. The air inside can sometimes be suffocating." you murmured, looking at him with a slight smile, sincerity in your eyes. As if on command, Alice strolled into Buckys room, seemingly waiting at his feet for him to get up.   
"Yeah, some fresh air would be good, I think." he said, voice barely above a whisper. "Then put some warmer clothes on, I will be right back" you smiled, turning to go back to your bedroom. Quickly grabbing some sweatpants and an oversized hoodie, you clicked with your tongue and shook your keys, signaling for your dogs that it was time to go out.   
Bucky stood at the front door, stroking alices´ fur while waiting for you to get there. You smiled at him, pulling open the door, and your dogs bolted out. Steve had to fight his way through the snow, while alice ran jogged beside him. Abby, the older lady of the group stayed by your side as your little group made its way toward the forest that was a few meters away from your little cottage. Bucky had his hands shoved inside the pockets of his jacket, looking at the dogs that stolled through the snow.

  
  


"Why did you let me stay here (Y/N)?" he began. You smiled, tucking a strand of hair that blocked him from your view behind your left ear. Out of the corner of your eye you could see he was looking at you with a serious and puzzled expression. "To be honest: I cant really tell you why. I think, I just saw that you needed help and... something clicked, I guess?" you laughed, waving your hands slightly in front of you, hoping to bring your point across. "No, you explained that earlier. I meant..." He seemed to carefully choose his next words, biting the inside of his cheek slightly in consideration.   
  
"I meant why do you still let me stay here?" he asked, but continued before you could answer "I havent done anything to help you in any sort of way. You dont know me, but tell me that everything is okay after I held a god damn knife to your throat (Y/N). You didnt even say anything about the fact that I literally broke the door of your wardrobe because I couldnt control myself after a nightmare. I... I dont understand why you would even consider letting me stay only one more in your house. Or why you havent kicked me out by now." he seemed confused, and looked at snow beneath his feet as if it was the most interesting thing he had ever seen. By the time he had finished, you had reached a clearing in the forest and you motioned beside you, urging him to sit down on an old tree that had fallen over years ago. He sat to your right, gaze still fixed on the snow. 

  


"Listen Bucky. The reason I am letting you stay here is because I know that you need it. You dont have anywhere to go. I dont want you to stay somewhere no roach would live voluntairly, just because you punched a hole in that god forsaken wardrobe door, fuck." you were starting to get pissed at yourself, for not getting your point across, but tried your best to remain calm as you continued "the knife, the door, the bedsheets you ripped, none of it matters. Its material Bucky. Listen. I have no clue how you feel right now, how could I? The shit you went through has put you imense pain, physical and psychological. So please, let me help you as best as I can. I know its not much, but please let my boring, normal life influence your life a bit." you smiled warmly, slowly taking his metal arm in your hands. Bucky finally lifted his gaze from the ground, eyes searching yours.   
He smiled warmly as he saw you comparing the size of your left hand with his metal one. "That sounds good." he brought out. Your eyes shot up, grinning widely at him. "Besides, the dogs love you, so you dont really have a choice" you said motioning to Abby laying at his feet.

  


"Lets head back, theyre gonna get get hungry soon" Bucky murmured with a slight smile, standing up and stepping over the large dog. Your body reacted faster than your mind, and you suddenly grabbed his hand again. He turned quickly, looking at his metal arm and then at you in confusion. Your gaze darted to your hand at his wrist before you locked eyes with him again and let go quickly. "Just... thank you for being honest with me Buck." you blurted out, suddenly you could understand Buckys interest in the snow below him. He nodded "Thanks for putting up with me." The way back to the house was filled with a comfortable silence. You were glad that you had that talk, it seemed like a lot of the tension between the two of you had been resolved. Back at the house, it was easy to fall back into your usual morning routine.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there!!!
> 
> So,,, this fic got way more attention than I thought it would? Thank you all so much for that!!!
> 
> Im really sorry that it has been so long, but I started my new job, moved out, moved out again and became temporarily a Cat-mom of 5! 
> 
> Still, I hope you enjoy this new fic!!
> 
> Trigger warning for this chapter:  
> Shit ton of swearing, drinking, self harm, mild violence (?not really?)  
> sadness :/

It had been one and a half week since he moved in with you now. 

At the beginning, everything seemed to work out fine between the both of you. Especially after your little bonding session in the forest, a lot of tension seemed to have disolved between you two. 

But no, you just had to fuck it up again.

It started in the late afternoon hours. You had just come back from a walk with your dogs, sweating from playing with them outside. Bucky sat on your couch, reading one of the books that you gave him.  
You pulled out your headphones, and gave him a sincere smile.

"What are you reading there Bucky?" you asked, unleashing all the dogs and peering in his direction.

"Edgar Allan Poe. People on The Internet said it's a classic." he murmures, gaze not leaving the (apparently really interesting) book. 

"You know, you can stop saying 'The Internet' as if it is... a cult" you grinned.

"I don't fully understand it yet. It's... difficult" he nearly whispered, gaze finally shifting to you.

Every time those ice-blue eyes connected with yours, your breath nearly left you. He didn't deserve to go through everything that happend to him.

"Well, I'm gonna take a quick shower, maybe you'd like to set the table for dinner already?" you asked, to which he eagerly stood up and moved towards your kitchen.

You grinned to yourself and moved to your bathroom, locking the door behind you and starting to get undressed. 

And thats when it happend. 

Your gaze caught your own in the mirror, and you let your eyes trail down your body. You took in every single one of your battle scars. The ones you got, and the ones you created yourself. The old ones, and the new ones. 

It felt like hours had passed, when in reality it was only a few seconds until you felt the first tears running down your cheeks. 

You looked through your cabinets, pulling out all the towels from your lowest one, and found what you were looking for. 

Quickly, you unscrewed the cap, taking a big swig of the clear liquid, feeling it burn on the way down your throat.

You got in the shower, every so often leaning outside to take another sip of the vodka bottle, until you felt like it was getting too difficult to pull it off standing. You got out of the shower after quite some time, though you were unsure how long exactly you were in there. 

You pulled on your clean clothes, pulling yourself up using the sink. Dizzily, you tried to take another sip, knocking the bottle toward the ground. 

It shattered on your black tile floor, spilling glasshards and vodka everywhere.

"God fucking damn it!" you yelled.

"(y/n), everything alright?" you registered from the other side of the door.

You opened the door, avoiding to step on any glass shards. 

"Tell me, what the fuck does it look like, huh?" you sneered, pushing past him to get a broom. Nearly knocking into your kitchen counter, you managed to act at least a bit normal and grabbed the broom.

As you went back to clean the bathroom, you saw that Bucky hadn't moved an inch.

"What?" you asked, raising your eyebrows at him.

"What happend?" he asked calmly, too calmly for your liking.

"Can't you see that? I dropped something." you said, moving to clean up. 

You nearly stumbled as you felt your arm being pulled back. You felt the difference between the cold metal fingers around your wrist and your scorching hot skin. 

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" you asked, looking into his eyes.

"I could ask you the same thing." he replied, starring into your eyes.

You tried to pull your arm back, but he ony tightens his grip, now pulling you away from the bathroom and instead pushing you against a wall, wrist pinned behind your back.  
You grunted as you stumbled into the wall, feeling him holding you in place.

"Let. Me. Go." you said, voice dangerously low.

"How about that: No. You smell of alcohol, I'm not gonna let you do anything, except for go to bed." he murmured in your ear, and you could _hear_ the smirk in his voice. 

'That little shit is enjoying this.'

"Fine, then let me go to bed." you replied annoyed.

As soin as he let go of your hand, you turned around quickly, attempting to shove past him. As you raised your arms, he simply grabbed both of your wrists.  
Fuck.  
Short sleeves.  
Pj's.  
Damn it.

Bucky noticed. Of course he fucking did, god damn super soldier.

He looked at your wrists, and back at your face.  
He seemed to study you for a moment, then let go of your wrists.  
You were beyond pissed at this point, wanting nothing more than to go to sleep.

"Make sure the dogs dont get into the bathroom..." you whispered, and slouched off towards your bedroom, leaving behind a silent James Buchanan Barnes.


	6. Grumpy and Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! 
> 
> So sorry it's been so long, but Online-schooling has been a pain in the ass.  
> I still hope you enjoy this Chapter!!!  
> Let me know what you thought of it in the comments!!❤️

You awoke the next morning with a pounding headache in every area of your skull.  
Turning to your right, you saw the bottle of pain medication and a glass of water on your nightstand. 

'God damn it, even when I'm an asshole he's nice to me.' you thought, and went to grad the pills. As you turned to sit up, you nearly let out a shriek. 

'What the fuck?' you thought to yourself.

In your chair by the window sat none other than James Buchanan Barnes, sleeping peacefully with his head hung slightly.

Slowly, as to not disturb the Supersoldier, you moved the blanket off yourself and quietly took the pillbottle with you out of the room.  
Of course, when trying to be quiet, every single creek in the floorboards sounded like a bomb went off next door, but Bucky didn't move a single inch. Maybe he was just letting you live the dream of sneaking away from the Winter Soldier. Probably.

You closed the door behind you, not fully, but close enough so that the room would be shielded from most of the noise you would undeniably make.

As you turned around, you watched the corridor of your house, eyes hovering over the wall opposite to the bathroom.  
Images from what happend yesterday flashed back into your mind, and you felt your cheeks redden in emberassment.  
Letting yourself be vulnerable in such a short time seemed idiotic to you. Childish.

And yet, you couldn't help but feel a little lighter at the thought of sharing your burden with someone.

You looked around and noticed how cold you were.  
Noticing how you, naturally, forgot to grab clothes from your room, you strolled down your corridor, hoping to find some clean clothes in your livingroom.

Suddenly, you stopped. You looked at the brown wooden door in front of you, only stealing a glimpse back at your own bedroom before slipping into the room. 

As quietly as you could, you closed the door behind you, and turned around to observe the room you had just entered. 

Buckys room. 

It was... clean. Everything was neatly organized, only one picture on the table. You picked up the picture, smiling slightly as you did so. 

It was a picture of Steve and Bucky.  
Bucky had his arm around Steves shoulder, grinning brightly at something someone off-camera said. Steve smiled brightly.  
The picture seemed at least 50 years old.  
He looked so young. So... happy.

You set the picture down, and turned around, eyes landing on Buckys Closet.  
You opened the doors of the Closet, and had to slap your hand over your mouth to keep from laughing. 

'Of course. Black.' you thought, grinning as you quickly grabbed a large black hoodie out of his closet.

You pulled the Hoodie over your head, smilling at how big it was on you.

Thankful that you decided to wear leggins as pj bottoms, you got out of the room and greeted everyone of your dogs, before preparing breakfast for them.  
While all of the puppys ate, you strated to prepare food for yourself and Bucky. 

You were nearly done cooking, when you turned around and nearly dropped the pancakes you had stacked on a large plate. 

"Jesus fucking Christ!" you yelled, setting the pancakes down on the counter and stabilizing yourself on it. 

Bucky grinned at you from the doorway, enjoying how you struggeld to catch your breath from such a simple scare.

"Good morning to you too" he said, grinn still plastered on his face.

"Yeah, yeah. Good Morning Bucky..." you murmured, smiling lightly. 

As you continued on your way to place the pancakes on the table, Bucky stepped into your way.  
You looked up at him, questioning look in your eyes.

"What?" you asked, trying to move past him, only for him to step in your way again.

"I could have sworn I put that Hoodie in my Closet yesterday" he murmured, ducking his head to make eyecontact with you. 

You tried. You really fucking tried to stop that stupid, gorgeous pair of eyes from meeting yours, but of course, you failed.

As you made eyecontact, you felt yourself starting to smile.

"Are you sure about that?" you nearly whispered, still smiling.

"Most definitely, yeah" he murmured, voice still heavy with sleep. 

You felt yourself starting to get lost in his eyes again. After what felt like hours of neither of you speaking, he decided to break the silence with a single word.

"Bacon." he said, shit-eating grin plastered on his face.

"Fuck!" you yelled, dashing back to the kitchen to save whatever of the baconstripes you could save.  
Bucky continued to carry his god forsaken smile throughout the entire time he spent setting the table. 

After you managed to heroicly salvage the bacon, you placed the plate on the table, and sat down opposite to Bucky. You both began to eat in silence and you kept your eyes fixed to your plate, while he was already reading another book. 

"Do you want to talk?" he asked after a minute.  
And you wanted to. Oh god, how you wanted to talk. To him. With him. Doesn't matter. Just talk.  
"No, thank you." you said, shoveling the next piece of pancake into your mouth.  
Shit.  
"Okay, but I'm here if you want to."  
"Thank you." you whispered back.

After that, breakfast went by mostly quietly, except for the occasional 'Nope' to any of the dogs who hoped to earn a snack from the table.  
Finally, you started washing the dishes, he started drying the dishes. 

"You know, I let you win this morning." he murmured, breaking the uneasy silence that had settled over you two.  
"What?" you asked, confused.  
"Sneaking out. I let you go."  
You exhaled through your nose.  
"You wish, Grumpy."

Bucky set the plate down, and looked at you with a puzzled expression.  
"Grumpy?" he asked, obviously taken aback by your nickname for him.  
"Yeah, Grumpy." you smiled, continuing to wash the final dirty plate.  
"You're voice is always so deep when you get up, makes you sound grumpy."  
"But... I'm not." he replied, still looking at you.

You set the final plate down, turning to look up at him. God,he is tall.

"Prove it." you grinned.  
"What?" he asked, stepping closer to you.  
"Prove it. Prove you're not grumpy. You always sit around, always brooding and stuff like that. Of course you're grumpy" you replied cockily, stepping closer as well, standing on your tiptoes to seem taller.  
"Okay then, I guess you're right, baby." he answered, shrugging, as he went back to drying the plates. 

what.

You stepped back down, frozen in shock at the term of endearment he had just called you.  
If you were living in a cartoon, steam would have come out of your ears. The blush that spread across your face made you feel like you were burning up.  
Quickly, you turned back towards the sink, wiping down the counter, just trying not to look at Bucky.

All of a sudden, his brain seemed to catch up to what had just happened, and you heard him drop a plate into the sink, just so catching it before it shattered. 

"Wait, wait that's not-" he started, stumbling over his words.  
"No, I know it's- it's fine." you stated, trying to sound as nonchalantly as you could, although your voice jumped about 25 octaves.

You tried your best to keep your composure and felt stupid for letting such small things affect your emotions in such a heavy way. 

As you two had finished cleaning, it was around 10AM. 

"Im going to get changed really quick, and then go for a walk with the dogs" you murmured, quickly walking to your bedroom. You put on a comfy pair of jeans, and went to take off the Hoodie, as you noticed how comfortable you had been in it. It felt... homey. It smelled of old books, wood and that specific type of 'Bucky'. 

Sighing, you pulled it off, and folded it neatly, placing it on your bed. You pulled on an oversized T-Shirt and your cozy jacket, and grabbed the hoodie from your bed.

Closing the door behind you, you walked to your living room, only to see Bucky sitting in his typical chair, still reading his book.

Quietly, you walked over to him, and held the folded Hoodie out to him with both hands. 

"Here you go, turns out you did put it in your Closet yesterday. Thought you might want it back" you said, smiling at him.  
"Oh, you don't have to-" he started, but as soon as he put his hands on the hoodie, you pulled your hands back, as if this stupid piece of fabric had just burned you.

You turned around, grabbing the leashes of your dogs from the clothing rack, and whisteling loudly. Quickly, all of your dogs dashed towards and out the door, followed by you. As soon as you closed the door behind you, you stopped and took a deep breath before following your dogs toward the forest.

The cold air burned your lungs with every breath you took in.  
Stupid.  
Why did something so insignificant affect your emotions in such a weird way?  
He was just another human being, right?  
Not like he was anything special, right?

But he is though.

He is special. 

And to know he would never call you those nicknames, would never wake up next to you...  
it hurt.  
More than you would like to admit.

Sitting down on a bench, you put your head into your hands, and tried to keep yourself from crying.

Your dogs had long laid down beneath your feet, when you sat up straight again. Your warm tears had long dried or dropped down into the snow beneath your feet.

You pulled yourself up, and made you way back to your little cottage.

You let the dogs in quickly, and walked in after them. You looked around your living room, surprised to see Bucky nowhere. 

"Buck?" you called out, hanging your jacket and leashes on the coatrack. 

Seconds later, he emerged from the corridor, hair slightly dishelved. 

"You okay there?" you smiled, walking over to him.  
Once again, your body reacted quicker than your brain, and you raised your right hand to let your fingers run through his hair, nails slightly scratching his scalp. Of course, you had to step on your tiptoes to reach high enough.

Bucky seemed to melt into your touch, slightly closing his eyes. 

For a split second, you thought you heard Bucky moan quietly, but you must have hallucinated it.  
Slowly, you pulled your hand away and let it fall limply to your side. 

Bucky looked at you for a second longer, before you cleared your throat and peeled your eyes away from his. 

"Sorry" you murmured, moving past him to prepare lunch. 

As you stepped into the kitchen and opened the fridge, you sighed loudly. You turned to leave the kitchen and talk to Buggy, only for him to stand in the same spot you had left him a minute ago. 

"Uhm... Bucky?" you asked, moving closer to him.

He whipped around looking at you, and quickly smiling.  
"Whats up? You okay?" he asked, nearly stumbling over his words.  
"Well, to be honest: I dont really feel like cooking, how about we just order some takeout?" you smiled at him, voice slightly higher than usual.  
"Yeah sure, what kind of takeout are we talking about?" he replied, moving towards the fridge to pick up one if the many takeout cards you had pinned to it. 

"I was thinking... maybe some chinese?" you told him, pointing at one of the cards of your fridge, only to notice him standing right behind you, as his muscular arm appeared above your right shoulder.

Soon, the both of you had decided on what to eat and ordered your food.  
After it had arrived, you both sat down in your livingroom and decided on a movie night.  
You sat on one end of the couch while he sat on the other end. You both decided on some kind old, classic movie. After about 15 minutes into the movie, you forgot about it. You couldnt concentrate. 

You were tired. Exhausted. Both emotionally and physically. You could feel yourself slipping deeper into the couch, your legs wanting to sprawl themselves over the couch. Still, you tried to make yourself as small as possible, keeping your legs as close to you as possible.

Constantly, your eyes slipped over to Bucky, having lost interest in the movie long ago. He seemed awake, eyes focused on the screen. He must have noticed your discomfort, because he took your legs under the blanket and pulled them into his lap. 

You stiffend, but tried your best to act unphased, pulling your eyes away from him and back to the screen. After a few minutes that felt like hours, you looked back at him, only to see him looking at you too. You blushed lightly, smiled and pulled the blanket higher to cover your face. 

All of a sudden, you felt him starting to rub tiny circles over your ankles. His metal hand was laying on the couch, human-arm softly caressing your ankles. 

Your feet twitched out of reflex, but you quickly relaxed and melted into his touch. 

You felt yourself drift off to sleep, and soon let the darkness consume your conciousness. 

You awoke to a pair of arms around you, carrying you through your house.  
"No, just five more minutes..." you mumbled, pulling at the hem of the shirt, which the person that was carrying you was wearing.  
"Shhh... It's okay doll. I'm just gonna bring you to bed" you heard, before you slung your arms around him and nuzzled into his neck, struggeling to stay awake.

As you felt the mattress underneath you, the arms underneath you began to slip from your back. 

"Nononono, stay with me, don't go." you murmured, half awake, mind still clouded by sleep.

His arms lingered at your lower back for a second before you felt the mattress dip beside you, and the arms slide around you again. You nuzzled into Bucky, revelling in the warmth provided only by your bodys. 

You felt him press a kiss on the crown of your head, before you drifted into sleep.


End file.
